I like to think that I am not alone in my lack of understanding of death. I have some feelings about it (e.g. I don't believe in the afterlife) but I am nowhere close to coming to terms with death. When I was reading that Jason Ray piece on ESPN I especially took notice of this entry in Jason's journal:
"1.) people acknowledge death and live toward it.
2.) people choose to ignore death and distance themselves away from it."
I found this passage interesting because I have always felt that I gravitate towards both. That is, while I acknowledge the finality of life I try to distance myself from it. A good example of this is our dogs. Every now and again I catch myself petting Stella or Phoebe and knowing that I am likely to outlive them and that I will have to deal with the hardships that are associated with the death of a loved one. When I think about my girls not being around it really pains me, even if I understand that it is just how life goes.
One downside to not believing in the afterlife is the realization that this is all I get. There is no getting together with my loved ones or hanging out with the big man or being born again as a plant or whatever. To put it in geeky terms, WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get). This creates a bit of a paradox in that you want to live life to the fullest (carpe diem) but you want to do that while being a responsible human being and hopefully while creating something that, even if it is in the smallest of ways, contributes something to the human race.
While all of this sounds very deep, I am also one to be more than happy to sit around watching TV. Part of it is that after long days at work I find it rewarding to just sit back and relax and watch TV with Natalie by my side. We can chat about whatever we are watching while also being able to shut down the brain a little.
I know this means that I am a confused individual, which I am, but in the end you can't think about the big picture stuff every breathing minute of your life or you'll drive yourself crazy. So, while it is possible that one day I will regret all the time I spent watch my favorite teams eke out a win, today I am more than happy to do so with Natalie, Phoebe, and Stella by my side while Emmitt sleeps away on the red chair.
PS- Alobar is a character in Jitterbug Perfume, one of my favorite books by Tom Robbins. In the book Alobar tries to cheat death.
4 comments:
Very interesting and introspective entry, B. When I was younger, I thought about death constantly. As I've grown older (and as it's drawn nearer), I think about it less. Honestly, I don't think about my own death at all, but I do think about losing loved ones, and like you, I dread losing my dog. Riley's six now, and I find myself constantly looking for signs of decline. Is he sleeping more? Does he have less energy? Can he no longer do things he used to do? Life and death are accelerated with our pets, and that can be tough.
As MDs I would imagine that you have to look at death in a different light since you can get to experience it so much.
I'm not an MD or an RN but I still see a bit of death and I'm not a fan. The first patient I saw die was a two year old little boy who got hit by a drunk driver. After they pronounced him his mother arrived in the adjacent trauma bay as was calling out for him and asking if he was okay. I was a 19 year old student radiographer and I was invulnerable, even if the little boy wasn't.
If you're worried about your dogs dying, try having a kid. I still wake up at night to check that he is still breathing.
My son is my ticket to immortality.
That doesn't mean I won't miss my dog and cat when they go. I cried harder when my dog died in 1999 than I did when my great-grandma did in 1998.
Your animals love you because that's just what they do and that's why it's so hard when they go.
From the title, I thought that this was going to be about Roberto and Sandy.
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