Alobar

I like to think that I am not alone in my lack of understanding of death. I have some feelings about it (e.g. I don't believe in the afterlife) but I am nowhere close to coming to terms with death. When I was reading that Jason Ray piece on ESPN I especially took notice of this entry in Jason's journal:

"1.) people acknowledge death and live toward it.
2.) people choose to ignore death and distance themselves away from it."

I found this passage interesting because I have always felt that I gravitate towards both. That is, while I acknowledge the finality of life I try to distance myself from it. A good example of this is our dogs. Every now and again I catch myself petting Stella or Phoebe and knowing that I am likely to outlive them and that I will have to deal with the hardships that are associated with the death of a loved one. When I think about my girls not being around it really pains me, even if I understand that it is just how life goes.

One downside to not believing in the afterlife is the realization that this is all I get. There is no getting together with my loved ones or hanging out with the big man or being born again as a plant or whatever. To put it in geeky terms, WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get). This creates a bit of a paradox in that you want to live life to the fullest (carpe diem) but you want to do that while being a responsible human being and hopefully while creating something that, even if it is in the smallest of ways, contributes something to the human race.

While all of this sounds very deep, I am also one to be more than happy to sit around watching TV. Part of it is that after long days at work I find it rewarding to just sit back and relax and watch TV with Natalie by my side. We can chat about whatever we are watching while also being able to shut down the brain a little.

I know this means that I am a confused individual, which I am, but in the end you can't think about the big picture stuff every breathing minute of your life or you'll drive yourself crazy. So, while it is possible that one day I will regret all the time I spent watch my favorite teams eke out a win, today I am more than happy to do so with Natalie, Phoebe, and Stella by my side while Emmitt sleeps away on the red chair.

PS- Alobar is a character in Jitterbug Perfume, one of my favorite books by Tom Robbins. In the book Alobar tries to cheat death.